Shaving my legs, so you don't have to!

Friday, August 21, 2009


After spending the past 38 hours perusing the Internet for training strategies, nutritional advice, and mental focusing mantras the first thing I've realized is that FRS is very expensive. I've also managed to put myself into "sleep debt," but the innerwebs once told me sleep deprivation is " big deal." Huzzah! More FRS please! (If I take 3 Five Hour Energies, will that = 15 more hrs, or will I do things three times faster for 5?).

The first thing I've learned is that I need to locate my training "zones" by using The Karvonen Formula, which I first assumed was Bjarne Riis' recovery shake recipe circa 1996, until I stumbled across the simple directions at Since I hate homework, I've cheated and noticed that target HR charts were posted on the wall at the gym I "toured" with my free trial coupon (between the three main gyms' multiple locations and a copy machine, I figure I'll have the two weeks of my strength-phase covered). Apart from worries about "ghost pulses hidden in my thumb" and the fact that the 220-age HR formula was invented by a 12th century alchemist, I doubt Fausto Coppi even bothered to check his, so I'm counting beats and making a mix tape. Also, I saw "Lars," a "personal trainer" very personally training the woman next to me spread over a giant rubber ball, point at a chart. First problem: Some charts say 3 zones, some up to 6! Plus, some only count age in 10 yr blocks (round up?) and others calculate by graphs! Shit.

Second problem: says I have to perform a "threshold test" by riding an hour long time trial, or uphill over and over again, or something equally ridiculous like entering a criterium. Fortunately, I've managed to keep one entire year of Bicyling Magazine on hand (doesn't matter which year, any 12 issues will suffice, as only the pictures of the bikes change per issue), and have found solace with these words: "breathing based training zones."


My Zones therefore:
1). Asleep
2). At work
3). Reading Cyclesport while comfortably holding a conversation, at work
4). Reading Ride while comfortably holding a conversation at my LBS
5). Riding my bike to Peets
6). Driving to Peets and trying to find a parking space

Next-up, the routine!


  1. I like these zones! Reminds me of my training plan for 'cross last year, which was to browse eBay for CX frames while drinking beer. Clearly it didn't work too well, because I ended up with a Six13 instead of a CX bike.

    One time Bicycling stopped arriving for me, as if to acknowledge that I had all the issues I'd ever need and that I no longer needed additional tips from Fit Chick or the same Six Week Plan To Performance by Chris Carmachael... But then they started arriving again... I'm hoping some day to make good on the the bi-annual cover story "GET FAST NOW!"

  2. I'm still waiting for "Avoid the Burn, Shave like the Pros!"